Lea and Aaron @ Engedi Refuge Ministries

Once again, Marveling at the Hand of God

2011-08-22T19:06:00.000-07:00

Come Thou fount of every blessing tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount I'm fixed upon it mount of Thy redeeming love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer, here by Thy great help I've come.
And I hope by Thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God.
He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood

Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constraint to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter; bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander Lord I feel it prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart Oh take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above.

I sang this hymn at church this past Sunday. A Canadian church, pastured by an East Indian converted Seik, sitting between two young addicts. Both young ladies wanted to go to church today, persevering amidst their methadone* drowsiness & lethargy, wanting to respond to a yearning deep within them. Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God. He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood. These words really grabbed me today. I was overwhelmed by the presence of God who in spite of the continued pull of the things of this world, will still draw them to Himself. Jackie, is 4 months pregnant, has a common law husband/boyfriend in prison. She has night terrors too often that disrupt her sleep and send her into depression. When she was young, her stepfather used to wake her up in the night and make her watch him beat her mother. He would also beat her and her siblings. Dena has one foot in a life trying to recover from her addictions and abuses, but still with her other foot out there. She is pulled by the lure of money falling back into her old lifestyle. I kept my arm around her during much of the service to steady her as the effects of the methadone kept pulling her to sleep. It was my joy to be with these girls there, ushering them into the presence of the Lord. After, they thanked me and said it made them feel good to be there. Neither one of them had been to church in a long time. It is no small task for girls like them to come to church. A church where families consist of mom and dad and cute, well dressed children. A church where everyone dresses just so, and looks just so. Did these girls fit in? NO did they stand out? YES I praise God that they didn’t let that pressure keep them from coming. God loved having them there!! He received them with open arms!! Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constraint to be! Let Thy goodness like a fetter; bind my wandering heart to thee. We all come to Jesus as a sinner, in need of grace. All of our hearts get pulled away from the Lord from time to time. I pray that we all will take our wandering hearts back to the one who loved us and died for us.

* Methadone is a narcotic pain reliever, similar to morphine. It also reduces withdrawal symptoms in people addicted to heroin or other narcotic drugs without causing the "high" associated with the drug addiction.

Firsts for Me, HUGE victories for Cindy

2011-08-10T16:18:00.000-07:00

Today I experienced some firsts. I walked with a young lady through a difficult and low point in her recovery. Cindy (not her real name) came to our safe house about 5 days ago, having about 25 days clean and sober. She has lived homeless on the streets, supporting her addictions by selling drugs and being sexually exploited for much of the past 10 years. She is pregnant, in her first trimester, after giving birth to a second child only 4 months ago.

I was reminded of Psalms 37:23,24 towards the end of this day: If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.

Today I had the privilege of accompanying her to a court hearing concerning the adoption of her second child. I went into it knowing that this would be a very rough day for her. I didn’t know if she would bolt and run when she got a chance or not. To make the situation more difficult, we had to go into the Downtown Vancouver area right in the midst of where she spent most of her years on the streets. She was nervous about seeing old drug buddies, former “bosses” and places where she used and got loaded. All these things could be major triggers for her to “cut and run”. How would I handle that? Good question – one that I hoped I wouldn’t have to answer.

Sure enough not long after we had gotten off the one hour ride on the subway train into downtown, she began to see people she knew. As we were walking the 6 blocks to the court house, she gave me a running commentary. “I used to smoke crack with that guy” “There’s a guy that used to be my boss – I still owe him money” “That is the alley I used to sleep in, in those doorways” “I know that girl, she is loaded and bad news” I could go on, but you get the picture? She was even approached by an acquaintance of hers to go to his apartment right then and smoke some crack.

I was so proud of her for facing these huge giants and walking away from them. Was she afraid? Yes Was she nervous and jittery? Yes But did she have the courage to refuse to be dragged down by them, give in to the fear? YES!!!! I was able to walk along side her, encourage her to stay focused on our mission. I was able to help her see that each time she turned away from a potential threat; she was making a successful decision, she was making a healthy choice, the right choice.

On our way back from downtown Vancouver, we had to make a stop at a government tax office to pick up some paperwork of hers. While we were waiting for this office to open, we sat on a stoop outside so she could have smoke a cigarette. She saw an empty package of cigarettes where we were going to sit, so she picked it up to toss it aside. It felt heavy to her so she looked inside. There was a crack pipe in it, and beside it, a special kind of lighter used with crack pipes. HUGE trigger right smack in her hands!!! She immediately gasped and threw it into the bushes, overcome with pretty panicky emotions. After we processed the situation and she clearly knew she was choosing again to do the right thing, she was able to admit that if I hadn’t been with her, she would have taken it, gotten some crack somewhere and gotten loaded. EVEN knowing she shouldn’t. EVEN knowing it would have sent her into major relapse. PRAISE GOD she wasn’t alone, that she was safe with a person she could trust to walk with her and help her make the right choices. There will come a time when she won’t be with a support person, and these very things will come up again. I pray that when that time comes, she will be far enough in her recovery and healthy enough to continue to make those right decisions. TODAY she had HUGE successes!!!! TODAY she stayed safe!!! TODAY she is off the streets, off drugs and NOT being sexually exploited!!!
I was also drawn to Psalm 37:39,40 - The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; He is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; The Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in Him. AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!

Auntie Anne and Bo - knitted in spirit

2011-07-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

I would like to introduce you to Auntie Anne. Anne is a client at the program we are working with. Bo has had the opportunity to stay at this house a couple of time since we moved here. Bo and Anne have bonded in a great way. He sleeps on her bed, runs up the stairs to her room when he is there.
Anne recognizes the fear, insecurity and panic that Bo so often displays. She has walked in that cycle for many years herself. After years of drug/alcohol abuse & sexual exploitation, Anne has committed herself to a clean and sober lifestyle as well as giving her heart to the Lord and seeking Him for guidance.

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed. For “you were like sheep going astray,”but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. 1 Peter2:24,25
Anne & Bo share a connection because of their wounded soul, but how much more does Christ connect with us, emphasizing with our sinfulness and drawing us to Himself, to deliver us from our fear, insecurity and panic.
Anne has finished enough continuing education and is now able to find employment in the medical assistance field. Please pray for Anne that she will continue to have strength to resist the temptations of this world. Bo could also use some inner healing too!!
**Anne is not her real name. Her picture and story has been used with her permission**

"Bo" ministers to abused young lady

2011-06-23T15:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Aaron and I had an opportunity to visit with a young lady we will call Amber. It turns out that Bo, our dog, did more for Amber than we did. For sometime, we have had the premonision that Bo our little Yorkshire Terrier, would be able to touch the hearts of women coming out of abusive/exploited life styles. We took Bo with us to visit with Amber, a young lady in the process of getting out of a lifestyle of prostitution, trafficking, exotic dancing, drugs & alcohol. Bo, being the cutie pie that he is, is a magnet for affection. We shared with Amber what kind of a life Bo used to have. Living in a cage for 8 1/2 years, being used solely for stud purposes, not knowing the kind touch of a human, not knowing how to be a normal dog. As I described how Bo is too afraid to come out of his crate on his own, how I have to pull him out, Amber tears up and says, "I know exactly how he feels!" When I told her how Bo discovered running and jumping in wide open spaces for the first time, her heart broke with compassion and understanding. Amber reached out to Bo to love on him and was loved in return. It was an "Ah Ha" moment for Aaron and I. The fulfillment of something we both sensed in our spirits would happen. AND IT DID!!!! Amber was then able to share her journey with us, people whom she had never met before. It was a very special time. Amber is the very girl that we could help thru Engedi Ministries. If we had a home open today, she would be there. Please pray for Amber as she continues on her journey to wholeness. The triggers and temptations surround her daily. Pray for us that Engedi House will be able to get off the ground, finding the right property and funding for it etc...

Bojangles - "Bo"

Look Beneath The Surface - English

2011-06-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

On the Road Again

2011-05-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

The time has come to say good-bye to our family and friends in Tulsa. The last 26 years for us as a couple and for myself the last 37 years, have been such a blessing. We have been fortunate to have loved and been loved by my incredible family and the best friends one could have. We will truly miss everyone of them. BUT, we look forward to the new adventure that we are embarking on. We are now full time missionaries, launching our ministry Engedi Refuge Ministries, Inc. We leave Tulsa for good on June 11th.

We will spend the next year or two volunteering in a ministry that provides safe houses, abuse recovery, emotional healing and educational opportunities. We will be in Surrey BC Canada. Surrey is a suburb of Vancouver. I (Lea) have been asked if I would take on administrative duties at the Learning Center and be the Respite House Director. These duties will range from training & coordinating all respite volunteers, doing respite care myself, participating in "group" sessions, client support, manage a myriad of things such as social media, website, food management for both safe houses and a lot more. It will give me a broad range of experience and influence in the lives of the clients that are getting help and how to operate a safe house ministry.

Aaron will be involved in several aspects of our ministry such as speaking to men’s groups, bringing awareness & education on the issues from a man’s perspective & raising funds for Engedi Refuge. He will be bringing faith based messages, as opportunities allow, that promote issues such as reaching out to the poor and marginalized in our society. Aaron will also be teaching workshops on how to care for victims that are rescued thru the "Hands that Heal" curriculum, as well as leading "Stop the Demand" seminars for men. He will also be developing and promoting our "One Church, One Victim" program that is an initiative for churches to take in one victim and with the help of the body of Christ, provide an atmosphere of healing & restoration in a supportive environment thru available resources within the church community.

After a year or two of learning and interning in Surrey, we will move to Washington and establish Engedi House - a safe house under the umbrella of Engedi Refuge Ministries, Inc
You can learn move about Engedi Refuge on our website www.engedirefuge.com

Food for the Front Lines

2010-11-21T20:08:00.000-08:00

Every front line soldier needs a constant supply of food, ammunition, direction and encouragement. It’s no different in the Kingdom of God. We’ve had the awesome privilege of fellowshipping with some of God’s front line soldiers here in Vancouver. Young people from around the world join what is called the “War College” in the Salvation Army each year. It is a one year commitment of intense study, prayer, discipleship, evangelism and service while living simple lives among the urban poor. These men and women are giving God a year of their lives in radical preparation for Christian sacrifice and service. Part of their routine is a day set aside for receiving God’s Word and Blessing thru prayer, prophecy and counsel. It is called “Freedom Day”, a day of washing, renewing and spiritual feeding. Lea and I were incredibly blessed to be asked to participate in ministering to our dear younger brothers and sisters in the Lord. We were asked to pray and minister “The Father’s Blessing” over each one. We gladly stepped in and we were filled with amazement as, thru us, God poured out prophetic words of love, affirmation, blessing and redemption on each one, along with hugs and tears. What a new experience for us to be the oldest couple in a room filled with passionate believers who are all hungry for an encouraging word from their Heavenly Father, and are so open to receiving it thru a rather ‘fatherly and motherly’ couple like us. It has been a long time since we’ve had the opportunity to speak so profoundly the words of the Holy Spirit over others in that way. I LOVE the ministry of the Holy Spirit, He IS God’s power. Beyond that we got to spend three whole hours in counsel and prophetic ministry with two young men of God. It seemed as though, rather suddenly, I was the oldest man in the room, feeling the weight of my words and example in the eyes of younger men, and in the midst feeling the wellspring of the Father’s love and strength pouring out of me for them. Overwhelmingly the message of the Spirit of God to His children is one of love and belonging and His pleasure in us, transfusing His Spirit into us.

A Spirit of adoption, a Spirit of ‘Sonship’ by which we cry ABBA, FATHER. (

Rom.

8: 15-16) His Word is our food, our ammunition, our direction, and our encouragement.

A Marriage & a Friendship between the Rich and the Poor

2010-11-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

As you may or may not have noticed, I have been rather quiet the last two weeks. I have been fairly sick for the past week and a half, nursing bronchitis. Finally getting some antibiotics and getting better. Unfortunately Aaron has it now. I had to cancel several opportunities last week to be out on the street and meet people. Which has been frustrating since our time is coming to a close. We have about 3 ½ weeks left before we head back home.

One thing we did do was go to a wedding last Saturday. It was a beautiful testimony of redemption and new life in Christ, as well as a marriage. The groom, a man about 50 years old wed a woman at least in her 40’s. Both came from a lifetime of drug and alcohol addiction. He has been in and out of prison, living a life of crime, and she had been living a life on the street since she was 12, prostituting herself. In the past year and a half they have come to know the Lord thru the friendship and discipling of the Salvation Army and other ministries in the downtown eastside. Against all odds, they survived and now love Jesus. They are off the streets, but still in and around the streets and people they had used and abused for so many years. They are a walking testimony of what the power of God can do.

One of the beauties of this wedding was how the wealthy came along side the destitute and became friends, family and lifted each other up. The wedding was in a lovely home in a wealthy neighborhood. The ladies making and serving the reception food (which tasted great!) were from the “right” side of the tracks. You would never had thought that they even knew what the “wrong” side of the tracks looked like. There was much love, acceptance and acts of service throughout the day showered on the couple, making their special day, really special – something they could never had been able to do on their own. It was an honor to be able to be a part of it.

Midnight Rescue

2010-10-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

Until now the half-way house for women has been occupied by ourselves and the host couple, and a visiting Australian couple for three days, which has been perfect for building relationship with them and sharing our visions for ministering to women in need. Suddenly everything changed, Monday night at 2am we got the call. A woman who had been trafficked and used to be in the treatment program but left several months ago, called. She needed to get away from an abusive relationship and was willing to come back to the "house" for safety and to continue rehabilitation. She needed to leave NOW, while her abusive partner was away at work. Our host couple and myself jumped into my car and raced to get her. She's back, she's safe and we're pouring into her God's love and care. What was God, the Holy Spirit doing in all of this? Tugging on her heart, giving her the courage to reach out and ask for help. Giving the host couple the right words to say, keeping my friend Donny up late praying for her, keeping me wide awake into the wee hours for no apparent reason to me. Positioning us here with a car and a GPS, ready to serve. (The host couple do not own a vehicle and this woman was in a rural area without access to mass transit). I'd say God is busy....and it's a pleasure to serve Him. All we have is yours Lord......bring it on!
Aaron

Praying on the streets of Vancouver

2010-10-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

Friday night I had the privalege to go with Aaron, the couple we are staying with (Jenea & Donny), and another young man named Garret, to the streets, in hopes of meeting and praying with prostitued women. We walked to one of the hardcore areas and had the opportunity to spend significant time with a very young lady named Vivian. After light chit chat, Jenea asked her if there was anything we could pray for her about. She was very open to us and said she wanted to be happy, that she was depressed alot. We prayed that Jesus would reveal Himself to her, that He would show her that He was the only one who could fill the emptiness in her heart. We prayed for protection, provision and that she would understand how much He loved her and died for her. After a few minutes of prayer, we told her that Jesus was the only one who could help her be happy. And reaffirmed to her that He loved her. She was very open to us. She let us give her a number that she could call if she wanted to get off the streets and have a chance for a different life. She asked us to pray for her sister, Venus, who was more messed up than she was.
Please lift up Vivian and Venus in prayer.

Georgia & Marlene – gone, but not forgotten

2010-10-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

“Heal my heart and make it clean; Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you, have loved me; Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause” (Hosanna lyrics)

These words were so powerful to me tonight in our worship time at the meeting we were at. Our journey began three years ago when Aaron read an article about a farmer near Vancouver who had been kidnapping prostitutes, murdering & dismembering them and feeding them to his pigs. Three years ago, this was just a story that Aaron read. Today it became real. We met Trisha, a former prostitute, now an advocate for trafficked women. She was a friend of those girls, she was one of them. By the time this man came to trial, she had left the lifestyle, well on her road to wholeness. She was asked by a news agency to cover the trial as a journalist, from the perspective of a former prostitute. She helped the families with their grief process. She brought life to an article, helped us see these victims as a sister, daughter, friend. All they found of Marlene was a hand, of Georgia, her jaw. These images may be too graphic for most of us to bear. They bring me to my knees in humility. I feel it an amazing privilege that the Lord asked Aaron and I to come and be a part of the solution that He has. A solution that will draw these women out of a life of poverty and destruction into a life of health and wholeness.

I would like to ask you to pray for a woman named Grace. She has been clean (off drugs/alcohol) for six months. She has been ministered to and helped thru the Salvation Army, gone back to school, restored to her children & grandchildren and is working. She asked for prayer because she still struggles with thoughts of going back to that lifestyle on the street, the temptation is so strong. She has health issues as well. Please remember her in prayer.

Drugs on the Streets – Wealth in the Windows

2010-10-12T21:24:00.000-07:00

There is such an irony on the streets of Vancouver – and most any other city across the world. The poor and the wealthy co-exist side by side, keeping their distance. Tonight Aaron and I walked from the apartment where we joined in a community dinner to the Salvation Army (SA) building for a “cell” (home group) meeting. As we got closer to the SA we walked past exclusive shops with high dollar clothes on one block (one even had a large mean looking dog standing in the doorway as if he was on guard) and the next block I walked past a woman sitting on the side walk shooting heroin in her arm, another block with fancy shops, and the next block I walked past a guy putting on a jacket with a syringe full of heroin sticking out his mouth.

I haven’t had much of a chance to process these images yet. I was a bit surprised that I didn’t have more of a reaction of disgust, horror or some other response that my middle class white American mindset would have. It was more like “Okay, I just saw my first addict shooting up.” Moving on… Am I more drawn to the beautiful clothes in the windows than the addicts on the street? I hope not. I pray that God will give me His compassion for ALL those I see – even the wealthy. Not my human compassion, which will falter and fail. But Gods compassion that is eternal. Romans 9:15,16 says I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. It does not depend on mans’ desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.

James 2:9 says that if you show favoritism you sin and are as a law breaker. He also says in verse 5 that God has chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom. Lord, help me to show that same compassion on the rich and the poor, to not be a respecter of persons but to love as Christ would love.

Who's place is it to redeem?

2010-10-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

We went to a cell group last night for all the workers/volunteers of Salvation Army (SA) and and any one else who wants to come. They do this every Thursday. As we were worshipping, a drunk homeless guy starting singing Johnny Cash songs. Some of the words were actually applicable. Those in the room graciously accepted where he was at and at one point let him finish one of his songs. There was a prayer time for anyone who wanted to express a prayer need for corporate prayer. This gentleman piped up and said he was an alcoholic (that much was pretty obvious). He didn’t want to go to a rehab center, but he wanted to go to church. Turns out one of the workers found him laying on the ground in front of a building she was coming out of on her way to this meeting and he told her he wanted to go to church, so she brought him. He got prayer, said he had never felt love before. Did he get instantly sober? Don’t know. Did he get all his prayers answered? Probably not. Did he feel the presence of the Lord? I believe without a doubt he did.

Man cannot redeem himself. None of us could redeem that guy. My flesh wanted to go thru all kinds of gymnastic hoops to get that guy right with God. We must all trust and believe that Redemption is God’s place. God’s redemption is absolutely finished and complete. Anything we do in the flesh is temporary and usually fails. I would love for that guy to become instantly sober, but it is in God’s hands.

Every night but Friday’s the directors of SA have a community meal at their apartment. They never know who is going to show up, or how many, but everyone is welcome. We have been to their meals the last two nights. There is an amazing amount of acceptance and giving there. Not much food, but everything else is in abundance.

1 Corth 5:20, 21 We are Christ’s ambassadors as though God were making His appeal thru us. We implore you on Christs behalf; Be reconciled to God, God made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God

Learning curves

2010-10-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

Learning curves come in all shapes and sizes. We got a ticket on our car while it was parked downtown yesterday, so today we decided to try the skytrain system. The skytrain is a great transportation system, like a monorail or tram. From where we are staying, we drive 30 minutes to a station then get on and it takes an hour to get to our drop off station, then we walk a number of blocks to our destination. Then we do it backwards at night. We got on the wrong skytrain going home, but it wasn't difficult to get off and get on the correct one. It is a good system.
Today we observed a children's playtime/bible time at a park. Members of the Salvation Army (SA) team gather up neighborhood kids, take them to the park, play with them then have a bible story time. They do this every Weds at 4pm. Looking around the rest of the park there are a beavy of homeless people, disabled, small groups of individuals that are engaged in questionable activities. The kids seem so used to it that they don't notice at all.
As we were walking back to Aaron W.'s (the director of SA) apartment for community dinner I saw my first drug tool sitting on the bench next to some guy. People don't bother to hide their drug use. There are no consequences for doing it right out in public. I walked past a drug deal and a guy peeing next to the building. These are the colors of Vancouver and really any city in the world - most of the time we turn a blind eye and don't notice. But Aaron and I can't do that anymore. God has called us to notice.
We went to a cell group after the community dinner and had a discussion of Colossions 2:16 to the end of the chapter.
We came home exhuasted physically and mentally. But blessed to be here, engaging in our purpose!!!

Thoughts about our first day in Vancouver

2010-10-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

We went to the Salvation Army location, met with Aaron W., the director. Right away the poverty and homelessness was very apparent. As we walked the three flights of stairs, in a very dirty, tattered building to the army offices, the foul smells reminded me of where I was. We spent quite a while talking to Aaron W. Filling him with questions, trying to explain what we were up to. Then he took us on a long walk thru the area, pointing out other ministries. As we walked along, we walked by an obvious drug deal. Aaron W stopped to talk to a battered woman sitting on the ground, who reminded me of our friend from the Tulsa streets, Margaret. As we took in our surroundings, I asked the Lord to let me see these people as He saw them, knowing that is the only way to get past the uneasiness in my flesh. Here is the reality of my heart - two things stood out to me that will be the hardest to deal with. The urine smell everywhere and the dribble of food & who knows what else, down people’s chins or beards. I pray that I can become oblivious to these two things.

After spending a couple of hours talking about the homelessness, prostitution and other poverty issues in the area, I asked Aaron W what are the beautiful , good things about Vancouver. He was very positive about all the kind helpful people that truly cared for the less fortunate. The many groups of people that helped out in many different ways to bring hope and kindness to the destitute. Aaron and his wife have been doing this for 6 years. They have four children. They have such big hearts.

Most of our time will be spent shadow someone with the Salvation Army, going to evening cell meetings, I will be doing “Night Lights” on Weds nights, which is going to the streets to visit with prostituted women. Thru the “Great Room” I will be helping them clean & re-wrap used hotel soaps to send to third world countries. It is a way for the women on the streets to make money not prostituting themselves. It is a part on yet another ministry in the area. I will be doing this on Thursday beginning next week.

As I was reading Isaiah 55 last night the words echoed what I am sure was on the Lords heart while he walked with us thru the streets

Come all you who are thirsty, come to the waters: and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Listen to Me and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to Me, hear Me, that your soul may live.

Then the Lord reminded me of his promise to Aaron and I thru Isaiah 55:10,11

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your way and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the heart, and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is My word that goes out from My mouth: it will not return to Me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Amen and amen and amen